Letters to the Emperor
When Ian Griffin asked me to interview myself about my new humor and satire book, I was honored, and a wee bit surprised. The homemade voodoo doll I found behind a dumpster at the West Rome Walmart worked way better than intended.
Ian: [struggling to overcome the magical paralysis] “Yeeeessssssss… pleaaaase return control of my hands and feeeeeeettttt.”
Mark: “The following are excerpts from an interview with and by humorist Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. Mark is the author of FUN Lies [Again]: The Ambassador’s Unauthorized Sequel No One Asked For. In 2025, he was voted Runner-up for Best Local Author 2025 by the Rome News Tribune.1
Strap in for a wild mixed-metaphor ride on the Pony Express train to Book Town—population: 150 billion.
Dramatic Introduction
The crowd held its collective breath as Abraham Lincoln stood among the gravestones of Gettysburg. Top hat slightly ajar, his voice echoed an address to be remembered throughout the annals of history.
“Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent…[important speech bits]…and did you know if you boil holy water first, it’s twice as deadly to vampires?”
— Abraham Lincoln | Guy wearing sunglasses on the cover of FUN Lies [Again]
What is FUN Lies [Again]?
FUN Lies [Again] is volume two of the FUN Lies Collection. It is an anthology of humor and satire stories, beamed directly from the author’s brain into written chunks of shenanigans and tomfoolery.
Many stories are entirely fictional, but others are genuine incidents from the author’s life, embellished with a creative twist. But the stories are told by an unreliable narrator who playfully uses truth as a sliding scale. The reader should suspect even the footnotes and hunt for easter eggs.
Like watching The Daily Show, or reading The Onion, or The Babylon Bee?
Yes, but it’s the Temu version.
Give an example of one of the Easter Eggs in the book.
The first letter of every chapter title spells out a secret message from the author. 2
What was the inspiration for writing this book?
Money.
But independent authors make diddly-squat on royalties, I’ll settle for bringing joy and laughter to people who need a good giggle.
What are some of your favorite chapters?
• The Fun Dad’s Return to Redneck Slide-o-Rama
• Bacon Bacon Bacon and Other Gourmet Halloween Costumes
• My New Year’s Resolution Is to Gain 400 Pounds
• Is It Pinkeye, or Are You Demonspawn?
• 13 Reasons You’re Writing Ain’t Good
What are famous people saying about this book?
“FUN Lies [Again] is the missing right hand to The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursala LeGuin.”
— Nate “Nepo Baby” LeGuin | Talentless grandson of author, Ursula LeGuin
“This book is like if the Holy Bible and the Magna Carta had a baby — and that baby wasn’t kept behind hermetically sealed glass in the tower of London.”
— Winston Churchill | British guy who did some stuff
“For less than the price of discounted alpaca feed, you too can own the
fourth-greatest book in the history of the world.”
— Little Sebastian | Celebrity Horse
“It’s like Where’s Waldo — if Waldo was on every page and also cured colon cancer.”
— Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. | Brand Ambassador, Spray-Tan Villa, LLC
“FUN Lies [Again] will teach you to speak French fluently — in Dutch.”
— Duolingo Cartoon Owl
“9 out of 10 dentists agree, FUN Lies [Again] is better for your gum health than flossing.” 3
— Dr. Leigh Weldon, DMD | The 10th dentist
Who should buy this book?
I firmly believe there are only two types of people in this world: those who should buy this book and those who should buy and read this book.
How do I know which category I belong to?
The front cover has a helpful test embedded in the headline, “Over 150 Billion Copies Sold.” If you shrug and say, “Wow, this book is surprisingly popular,” then please purchase FUN Lies [Again] and leave it unread on the coffee table. You will hate it.
Where can I buy this book?
FUN Lies [Again] is available at Amazon and the trunk of the author’s Subaru Outback.
Seriously? Your trunk?
Yes. The author has been known to shamelessly disrupt church Sunday School classes until parents pay the ransom—er, purchase a book.
How much does this book cost?
On a balmy night in 1455, Johannes Gutenberg accomplished the crowning achievement of the Renaissance. Lying atop the printing press was the first copy of the Gutenberg Bible, crafted by a machine instead of a monk’s hand. That night, he was struck by a fever dream of the future.
“What if in the twenty-first century, my invention is used primarily to publish novels about horny werewolves and dragon erotica?”
He arose from his bed, ready to dismantle the printing press before it could be tainted by unending acres of smutty romantasy paperbacks. As he raised the axe to his life’s work, he heard a still small voice staying his hand.
“Johannes, the future is not lost. 571 years from now, your descendants can purchase FUN Lies [Again] for only $14.99 + tax.”
Johannes Gutenberg dropped the axe and slept soundly.
Final thoughts?
“FUN Lies [Again] is 15% less funny than the original FUN Lies — guaranteed! But it’s new, so you should buy it!”
Footnotes and Corrections:
1. I was surprised too.
2. The hidden message is, “Thank you for buying this book. NO REFUNDS.”
3. Floss, the dance. Not the string-flavored breath mint.
Disclaimer: This story was written by Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. All people and quotations are fictional, invented by the limited imagination of the author, and do not reflect the opinions of the author, editors, or V3 Magazine.
